Want to laugh....................................

Sardarji ....General......Ajit.....Computer.......Blonde........Non-Veg .....

Sardarji

You why a sardarjee can't buy a 'ARROW' Shirt, because when he goes to purchase it, he moves towards the ARROW "---->" to other shop.

Two Pakistanis boarded a plane for Washington. One took the window seat, the other sat on the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a fat Sardarji got on & took the seat next to them. He kicked off his shoes,wiggled his toes & was settling in when the Pakistani in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up & get a coke." "No problem," said the Sardar, "I'll get it for u." While he was away, the Pakistani picked up the shoe & spitted in it. When the Indian returned with the coke, the other Pakistani said, "That looks good.I think I'll have one too." Again, the Sardar obligingly went to fetch it. And while he was gone, the Pakistani picked up the other shoe & spat in it. The Indian returned with the coke & they all sat back & enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Indian slipped his feet into his shoes & knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on," the Sardar asked, with pain and sorrow. "This enmity between our people... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes & pissing in the cokes!"****

A sardar went to purchase a refrigerator and asked the shopkeeper its price.The shopkeeper told that he don't sells refri.. to sardars.Then he came again as a bengali to buy refri.. and the shopkeeper said the same thing.Then he asked that "how do you recognise that I am a sardar".The shopkeeper replied"because this is not a refri.., but a washing machine".

The inspector,Banta Singh went to inspect the school and he visited a class, where he decided to ask a question to the students. I am standing on a bridge under this bridge one train is running at a speed of 50 and other one at a speed of 75 tell me, What is my age? Every body started thinking in the class,after a while one hand raised. Banta Singh:Yes my dear boy tell me the answer. Boy:36 Sir. Exactely, Shabas. Banta Singh: How did you calculate that? Boy: Sir my younger brother is half mad and He is 18 Years old. I just doubled that.

why does santa singh keeps a number of empty viskey bottles in his bar? to serve the non-drinkers.

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife "What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else.

General

A husband & wife were sitting home one evening watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." The husband looks at the wife and says, "C'mon honey, lets go upstairs and fool around." The wife says, "NO!" The husband says, "Aw c'mon. Let's go upstairs and fool around." The wife again says, "NO!" The husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says, "YES, that is my final answer." The husband then asks, "Can I phone a friend?"

A guy goes to a girls house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Oh, well, er...I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward they're just lying there, enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. She is speaking in a cheery voice. " Hello? Oh, hi! SO glad you called. Really. That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks! Okay. Buh-bye."She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"Oh," she replies, " that was my husband telling me what a wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the line of questioning, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about the conversation she had with her mother. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything. Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugs and says, I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

Ajit

Raabert:Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jayahda pasand hein boss?

Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
 
 

Mickey Mouse visits India and wants to read *Ramayna*.He meets with Ajit and expresses his desire.Ajit orders to his assistant, "Robert, Is Mickey ko dewaar pe tanga do." "Kyon Boss", asks the surprised Robert. Ajit replies,"Dewaar pe latak ke yeh Mickey se Wal-Mickey ho jayega, khud hi Ramayna likh lega"

Scene:Ajeet spots one of his enemies...

Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega

Scene:Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrlings typing.

Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do. Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ? Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Scene:Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrlings typing.

Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do. Raabert:Magar kyoon baas ? Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Computer

Bill Gates visited India and Pakistan a few days go. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Urdu. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Urdu version. Khirkiyan 98: Bachao = Save Aisa bachao = Save as Subko bachao = Save all Mujhe bachao = Help Dhoondo = Find Wapis dhoondo = Find again Hilao = Move Daak = Mail Daakiya = Matter Paas se dhekho = Zoom in Door se dhekho = Zoom out Kholo = Open Band karo = Close Khataara = Old Badli karo = Replace Bhaago = Run Chaapo = Print Dekh ke chaapo = Print preview Naqal karo = Copy Kaato = Cut Chipkao = Paste Mitao = Delete Nazaara = View Auzaar = Tools Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet Khallas = Exit Thoonso = Compress Chooha = Mouse Idhar-se-udar, Udar se idhar = Scrollbar.
 
 

Blonde

Adumb blonde was bragging about his knowledge of the state capitals. He proudly said,"go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A redhead said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy - 'W'."

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

Tenblondes and a brunette were hanging onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They knew that one of them needed to let go because the weight of all eleven of them would tear the rope and they would all die. So, they argued back and forth about who was to let go. This went on for a few minutes, until the brunette finally said, "Ok, I'll let go!" The brunette gave a little speech about why she would go and said her farewell. All blonds applauded

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around and drove home. On her way home, the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Adumb blonde was bragging about his knowledge of the state capitals. He proudly said,"go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A redhead said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy - 'W'."

Blonde:I was born in the U.S.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
Blonde: All of me, silly.

A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic. The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."

Q:Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Hear about the blonde explorer?
A: She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
Q: What do a group of blondes have in common?
A: Nothing they can think of.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't have to. They're born that way.

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem with this is that this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen up, pal. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!" The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!"

Non-Veg

An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, totally stressed out. He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it too!"Two weeks later, when the manager arrives at his department, he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, and the computer is running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice". "I did", answers the employee. "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!"

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?" "Milk!" answered Little Johnny. "No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong> answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher. "Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"

Johnny returns from school and say she got an F in arithmetic’s. "Why?" asks the father."The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is> 3x2?'" "What's the fucking> difference?" "That's exactly what I said."

Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making>love "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose

Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other. "Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny. "Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated" Okay, I've understood "What've you understood!?" asks the father sarcastically Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get fucked like a dog

Johnny's parents were out of town once and so they asked that young female teacher to stay for that time in their house. Before going to bed Johnny says to her."Oh, please, I'm so afraid to be by myself, please, sleep in my bed." Sheagrees,they go to bed. In the morning she wakes up to find a big hairy-chested man in her bed. She exclaims: "Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!" "Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little boy selling the tickets

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answer says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming 'Oh God, I'm coming!"

Little Johnny is lying in his bed one night and just can't get to sleep. He decides to go to his parent's room to go chat to them. Upon entering their room, he sees their blankets going up-and-down. Johnny:" Mommy, daddy, what are you doing? "Parents:" We are playing cards, now GET OUT!" So Johnny decides to go into his grandparent's room, only to find the blankets going up-and-down. Johnny:" Granny, Grandpa, what are you doing?" Grandpa:" Get out! We are playing cards!" Feeling rejected, Johnny goes back to his own room and gets back into bed. A while later both his parents, and grandparents feel bad for yelling at him so decide to go and apologize. Upon entering his room, they see the blankets going up-and-down. "Johnny! What are you doing??!!" Johnny:" I'm playing cards." Grandpa:" But who's> your partner?" Johnny: "With a hand like this, who needs a partner?"

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

One day, Little Johnny comes home from school and asks his father, "Dad, what's a penis?" His father whips out his tool and says, "That, son, is a penis. It's not only a penis, it is the perfect penis." The next day, a classmate asks Little Johnny what a penis is, so he exposes his tool and says, "This is a penis. And, it would be a perfect penis if it was three inches shorter."
 

A priest had lost his male hen and didn't know where to findit. So at the sermon next day he queried "Has anybody got the cock ?" All the men stood up. No no I mean has  anybody seen the cock? All the women folk stood up. No no i mean has anybody seen my cock? All the nuns stood up.!!!!

A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. "Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage." "The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day." "The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good
 it was going to be."

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her. She says, "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!"
The husband says, "OK, I'll  explain, but first you have to explain the kids."

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age,she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told thelocal undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin" Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve i in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.They simply wrote "Returned unopened"

A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow pokes herin the breast.They are both quite startled.The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."She replies, "If yourpenis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."